Published on 28th November, 2024

Walk a mile in their shoes.

Third Story

Who is their? Most problems involve people and to understand the problem you need to understand the people involved.

You know how they say everyone is different? It is part of a reason where we talked about framing and frames of references above and even availability bias, Because of this inherent difference you need to be conscious when dealing with other people so you don't mistake your motivations, your perspective as same as yours. May be that's why one of the 4 agreements says "Don't make assumptions". So still on being wrong less, you should strive to open up to people to understand their circumstance and that is you showing empathy.

In every conflicts between two people there is always a third story. A partial observer not involved in the conflict who is able to have an objective account of the conflict. Forcing yourself to act as the impartial observer will help you deal with the situation objectively.

Here is how to be a third person and give a third story

1. Imagine a complete recording of the situation

How do you imagine the recording without being biased?

First of all, agree that both of you see things different

Understand their point of view, even if they go directly opposite to yours

This will help you increase your empathy, once empathy is achieved, you are less likely to be biased since you understand their points of view, note that this doesn't necessarily mean that you agree with them. Shows empathy shows that you are willing to consider the situation objectively as you have already taken the first steps, It will give the other party the confidence to do same.

2. Imagine what an outside person, would think of the situation if they played/listened to the recording.

3. What story would they tell?

How much of your story would they agree to it?

Most Respectable Interpretation

Giving people the benefit of the doubt and interpreting other parties actions in the most respectable way. This is important because, 1. You can always interpret people's actions in so many ways. 2. With MRI, you accept that you don't know the real answer yet, so best way to show empathy is to interpret it with the most respectable interpretation. Imagine you text someone and they don't reply in time, you might lean into availability bias and say they are ignoring you, but MRI ask you to consider other options like maybe they haven't seen it yet, so they are held up in some task that they are yet to make time and reply you, also that things can always be worse for them more than you can imagine. In such a situation it is better to ASK rather than Accuse.

ASK: "hey, I texted a while ago about x and x, you haven't replied this is a follow up, lemme know when you see this"

ACCUSE: "I texted you and you are not replying, thank you."

Just like Third Story, MRI doesn't say, give up your opinion already, it says show empathy and be willing to take an objective stance on the situation. It asks to hold up judgement until absolutely necessary.

Hanlon's razor

One of my favourites, as I have known about it and used it all the time. It says never attribute malice to what could be explained by carelessness. Like Ockham's razor, it says to seek the simplest. When someone causes harm, it is better to think they took the path of least resistance rather than intentionally causing harm.

Fundamental Attribution Error

You make an unforced error, by attributing(understanding) others mistakes as their internal or fundamental motivations rather than due to external factors. Example is thinking someone is mean (not using MRI) rather that including the fact that they might just be having a bad.

Self-serving bias

When you view your actions with a more favorable (using MRI) and attributes others actions as due to their internal motivations (FAE)

Veil of Ignorance

When considering ideas on who to organize the world we should act as if we do not know the position that we hold. As if there is a veil preventing us from knowing who we are. It allows us to make decisions where everyone benefits. If when make decisions based on our position we are likely to make decisions that benefit us but might be huge detriments to other parties. The Veil of Ignorance allows us to position ourselves as any one that the decision applies to.

Birth Lottery

Not born into any disadvantage. This helps you understand that world to not be an equal place, to not be a place of equal opportunity as some are born into luck and much of their success comes from that.

Just World Hypothesis

You reap what you sow.

Victim blame

Blaming victim for their circumstances because you believe in the JWH

Learned Helplessness

Leaning into your circumstances and giving up on improving them without assistance